you're reckless and distant (but i'll be persistent)
by Pallet and Cerulean
Summary: "It all felt so cliche, like the puppy love Ran had grown up despising. She always thought that love wasn't for her. She was cold and awkward and happy as a loner. Though, that was all before a certain redhead drummer could make her stomach flip with a bat of her pretty eyes or send heat rushing to Ran's cheeks with a brush of their hands."


Ran was having a hard time keeping her heart in check. Ever since she had started dating Tomoe, she felt her control over it slipping. That dazzling smile of hers, the sparkling depth of her eyes, the tender affection she saved just for the two of them, it all set Ran's heart racing. And it was becoming a distraction. Singing was so much harder when all it took was a quiet compliment from their drummer to make her heart pound and her insides melt for the duration of the next song. Her sound had gotten breathier lately on account of the way that just the thought of Tomoe playing behind her made the air leave her lungs in a rush.

The only problem was, Ran didn't know how to fix it. It all felt so cliche, like the puppy love Ran had grown up despising. She always thought that love wasn't for her. She was cold and awkward and happy as a loner. Though, that was all before a certain redhead drummer could make her stomach flip with a bat of her pretty eyes or send heat rushing to Ran's cheeks with a brush of their hands. Now, though, Ran just felt like a lovesick mess, bordering closer to actual sickness than just love with the way her body reacted. The feverish flush that always seemed to linger on her skin and the way her chest tightened around Tomoe sometimes made Ran wonder why humans sought out relationships. The symptoms of love could be near unbearable at times, so intense that they made Ran's bones ache with longing or made her stomach clench so hard she wondered if it could make her sick. Yet, when Tomoe kissed her, or murmured quiet affirmations of her love, Ran thought it all made a little more sense. The flushed cheeks and nervous stomach were worth the fuzzy warmth that bloomed in her chest when Tomoe smiled.

Still, it was something Ran couldn't quite get over. It reminded her of a time she had caught the flu as a kid and it just seemed to linger for weeks and weeks instead of clearing up like it should have. And just like back then, when Moca had teased her endlessly about her losing to something as tiny as a virus, Moca couldn't help but poke fun at her whenever she noticed something. It started as snide comments behind closed doors, but grew to the point that Moca would tease her and elbow her in the ribs whenever she caught Ran staring a little too long, or when a blush dusted across her features. Now, though, when Moca pointed out that love had thoroughly and completely beaten her, Ran couldn't really bring herself to disagree.

Ran had been meaning to talk to Tomoe about it for a while, because, she was supposed to talk about these kinds of things, right? Though, she could never really find the right time. Even though they were supposedly dating, Ran found that they actually didn't spend much time alone, just the two of them. School and band practice consumed the majority of their time, which left little room for things like dates. And when they could finally sneak in some time alone, it usually just ended with the two of them curled up together on one of their beds, taking a break from the world for a little while.

So, when Ran actually found an opportunity to talk, she forced herself to take it. They had just finished up some homework, Ran sitting at her desk and Tomoe sprawled across the floor. Closing her notebook, Ran swallowed down her nerves and forced back the familiar rush of butterflies in her stomach. Despite that, she couldn't stop the slight way her hands trembled. This was Tomoe, Ran reminded herself. She didn't have any reason to be nervous. Still, any kind of openness or vulnerability on Ran's part was mostly uncharted territory. Back when she was a kid, she had learned to lock her feelings away because that was the only way she could find to keep from getting hurt. Even though she knew, now, that it wasn't the most healthy thing to do, the old habit was deep rooted and hard to break.

"Tomoe?" Ran asked, trying to keep her voice cool and even while she pressed her hands down in her lap to hide the subtle shake.

Righting herself, Tomoe sat with her back pressed back against the side of Ran's bed. "Yeah?" Tomoe replied lazily, running a hand through her mused hair to push it out of her face.

The familiar gesture made Ran's heart settle and a quiet smile touched her lips. It was enough to help soothe Ran's nerves. "Do you ever think about love in a more physical sense?" Ran asked quietly, embarrassment painting her cheeks pink.

Tomoe just narrowed her eyes ever so slightly, a sly smile quirking up at the corners of her lips. "You mean like sex?" Tomoe questioned, the slightest twinge of color dusting over her face, despite the mischievous glint in her eyes.

Pulse spiking and the pink flush on her skin turning a deep crimson, Ran grabbed for the closest thing she could find, her eraser, and threw it across the room at Tomoe. The eraser just bounced off the wall behind Tomoe's head and the taller girl didn't even flinch. Ran, however, crossed her arms over her chest, surprise and embarrassment mingling to singe the tips of her ears red. "You know that isn't what I meant," Ran shot back indignantly and Tomoe just laughed.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," Tomoe replied, good natured. Though, the lopsided smile on her face made any misgivings Ran had melt away.

Still, for show, she gave a quiet huff, willing the warmth to fade away from her cheeks. "I meant like the way your chest feels tight or your heart beats faster," Ran muttered. Though she wouldn't admit it, she was actually grateful for Tomoe's teasing. It broke the tension and pressure Ran had built up over herself and made her feel a little more at ease.

After a beat Tomoe just hummed noncommittally. "I guess I don't think about it very often, but I do feel it," she mused. "Why do you ask?" Tomoe questioned, cocking her head to the side in curiosity.

Drawing in a deep breath, Ran tried to sort out the mess of responses that leapt to the front of her mind. It was one of those things that was hard to articulate, like the way sunshine felt on her skin or the particular nostalgia that washed over her inside an old candy store. Sure, people could spin flowery poetry about the beauties and tragedies of love without end, but when you really boiled it down to its core, love was hard to define, hard to talk about.

"Sometimes I wonder if we can really keep going like this," Ran murmured with a quiet sigh.

Across the room, Tomoe straightened, her posture stiffening and relaxed expression turning serious. Ran caught something sharpening in her eyes, edged with fear. Realizing the implications of her words, Ran quickly gave a shake of her head.

"I don't mean that we should break up or anything," Ran added hurriedly, watching the worry drain away from Tomoe's expression. "It's just... It's me, I feel like-" Ran stammered, cutting herself short. Blowing out a frustrated breath, she curled her hands into fists by her side. This was why she liked to sing. Writing lyrics or standing in front of the microphone, everything seemed a little clearer. But now, she just couldn't find the right words. Every eloquent thought seemed to tangle on her tongue, coming out in a jumbled mess.

"I mean," Ran started one more time before stopping herself short again. "Can you just come here?" she asked, resigned, rosy eyes searching out Tomoe's. There was something almost pleading in the colored irises, willing Tomoe to understand. The redhead gave her a curious glance, raising a brow, but didn't offer any complaints. Getting to her feet, Tomoe crossed the room in a few strides, stopping just in front of Ran.

Reaching out, Ran gently took Tomoe's hand in her own. Taking in a quick breath to try to settle her nerves, Ran caught the slightest whiff of Tomoe's shampoo, clean and refreshing. That decidedly did not help her nerves. Still, Ran pressed Tomoe's palm to her chest, settled just over her heart. She could feel her pulse racing beneath the warmth of Tomoe's skin. And by the way her eyes widened, a soft hint of a smile pulling at her lips, Ran guessed she could feel it too.

"Before, I just meant that I'm not sure how much of this my body can take," Ran said quietly, releasing her hold on Tomoe's hand. Still, it lingered over her heart before Tomoe pulled back, genuine and raw affection in her eyes.

"That's what you were worried about?" Tomoe asked gently. Her hand came to rest comfortingly on Ran's cheek, warm and sure. The gesture made her stomach flip, wanting and lovesick. Then, that familiar, hungry longing settled deep in her bones, her fingertips aching with the urge to reach back out and touch the girl she loved so much.

"It's just a lot to handle," Ran replied, her voice coming out in a breathy whisper, betraying the desire that ran hot through her veins. This love was all consuming and intense, the kind that tempted and melted her cold heart, like light piercing through the dawn.

"So don't handle it," Tomoe said, her voice lowering, a slight rasp laced into her tone. "You don't need to keep everything inside," she added quietly, the hand on Ran's cheek slowly trailing down over her jaw. Her fingertips left sparks in their wake and sent a shiver racing down Ran's spine.

Swallowing thickly, Ran nodded. She just needed some way to release all of the tension and nerves that built up, to put her racing heart and quickened breaths to use. That made sense. Or, at least, the anticipation gathering in a thick haze over her mind made it seem sensible.

In a split second, Ran made her decision. Standing to meet Tomoe's height, or at least get as close as she could being almost a head shorter than the redhead, Ran rocked forward onto her toes and kissed Tomoe. Almost immediately, Tomoe melted into the kiss, her movements soft and affectionate, a fiery spark lingering just beneath the surface.

Her stomach doing that same nervous fluttering again, Ran brought her hands up to Tomoe's shoulders in an attempt to steady herself. Her fingers sunk into the fabric there, finding the faint warmth of skin beneath. All the while, the tender warmth in her affections sparked and grew, quickly turning to something brighter, hotter. Tomoe's mouth seared over her own with a feverish heat, making Ran stretch higher up to put more force into the kiss. Briefly, Tomoe moved to take Ran's lower lip between her own, earning a low moan from the smaller girl. Growing more bold, she dared to skim her tongue over Ran's lips before pushing deeper.

Though, it wasn't much longer before Tomoe pulled back to catch her breath, a small whimper rising high in Ran's throat. She did her best to choke it down, pink dusting over her cheeks.

"God, you singers have crazy lung capacity," Tomoe panted against Ran's mouth with an amused laugh. While Tomoe was struggling to get enough air into her lungs to soothe the faint burn that was starting to surface, Ran hardly seemed to be breathing any harder than normal. Her breaths, though deeper, still came evenly with the rise and fall of her chest. Still, Ran took the chance to drop back down to the soles of her feet, the tendons in her toes and the muscles in her calves starting to ache.

"Just hurry up and breathe so I can kiss you again," Ran murmured quietly, a fiery glint in her rosy eyes. The tips of her ears singed red at her words, but Ran couldn't really bring herself to care.

The adrenaline coursing through her veins making her impatient, Ran's lips fell to the smooth skin at Tomoe's neck, pressing kisses down the column of her throat. Her affections quickly started to grow sloppier and more passionate, driven on by the soft moans and gasp she drew from Tomoe's lips. And finally, when Ran's mouth fell to the slope of her chest, getting dangerously close to the low neckline of her shirt, Tomoe brought a hand up to cup her jaw. Pulling Ran back up until their lips met again, Tomoe reveled in the freeing burst of heat.

Ran caught another breath scented with Tomoe's shampoo, picking out the light scents of lemongrass and mint despite the fuzziness clouding her mind. She moved to let her fingers settle in Tomoe's silky tresses, but without having a hold on the taller girl's shoulders to steady herself, Ran found her legs quickly starting to burn with the strain of staying up on her toes. Questions of why she hadn't picked someone shorter to fall in love with briefly flashed through her mind. Though, all her other thoughts quickly fizzled out when Tomoe's hands slipped beneath the hem of her shirt. The kindling heat of her fingertips left fire in their wake when they brushed over Ran's side and moved higher to settle against her ribs.

That was all it took to drain the strength from Ran's legs. Her knees wobbled and she dropped back down to stand flat on her feet, hands coming down to ball in the front of Tomoe's jacket. She didn't trust herself to stay upright without the support. Breaking their kiss, Ran let her head settle in the space beneath Tomoe's chin. "Can we sit down?" she asked quietly, a breathy need in her tone.

"Yeah," Tomoe murmured in reply. She eased back, keeping her hold on Ran, until the back of her knees hit the bed behind her.

Sitting down, Ran practically collapsing in her lap when her shaky legs gave out, Tomoe took a short moment to appreciate just how lucky she had gotten. The way Ran looked in that moment, cerise eyes bright with earnest affection, pupils blown wide with desire, lips reddened, was all reserved solely for her. How she had managed to catch Ran's attention as anything beyond a friend, she had no idea, but she was forever grateful for it.

With Ran settled, her legs wrapped around Tomoe's waist and arms looped around her back, she leaned back in. Her lips settled at the edge of Tomoe's jaw, pressing lingering kisses to the skin there. All the while, Tomoe's hands skirted around to settle on the smooth expanse of Ran's abdomen. Stuttering in her affections, Ran sucked in a gasp when long, thin fingers splayed over the toned muscle. Fire swept through her insides and heat settle deep in her stomach.

Murmuring Tomoe's name against her skin, Ran left one more kiss against her jaw before moving back to claim her lips in some weak effort to regain what little control she had. Though, in terms of nerve, Tomoe had Ran beat without question. Sliding and bunching the fabric of Ran's shirt out of the way, Tomoe let her hands roam over the trembling muscle beneath, smirking against Ran's lips when she felt her suck in a breath and let it out in a deep, low moan.

Her hands rising high on Ran's abdomen, stilling just below her chest, Tomoe gently pushed her back. When their lips came apart, a breathy whine rose high in Ran's throat, protesting at the space between them. Though, it only took a moment for Tomoe to tug Ran's shirt over her head and toss it off to the side.

When Tomoe's eyes, wide and smoldering with desire, raked up and down Ran's bare torso, even with her chest still covered with black lace, Ran felt heat flood her face. She bit down on her lip, stifling the desire to cover herself. "You're beautiful," Tomoe assured gently before her lips came to the sensitive skin over Ran's throat, quickly trailing downwards.

Finding it just a bit easier to force back her embarrassment now that Tomoe's mouth was trailing down her neck, hands still deliciously warm against her stomach, Ran let the sensations wash over her. No doubt leaving reddened marks in her wake, Tomoe sucked and licked at the column of Ran's throat, stopping to give extra attention to the spots that made her squirm. Dipping just below her collarbone, Tomoe scrapped her teeth down the slope of pale skin there. Her stomach flipping in surprise, a rough, staggering gasp escaped Ran's lips. Spurred on by the noise, Tomoe smoothed her tongue over the spot before gently nipping at the exposed slope of Ran's chest, showering affections over the skin that she could reach. Ran's fingers quickly found purchase at the base of Tomoe skull, tangling in the soft hair there.

Never taking her mouth away from Ran's chest, Tomoe shimmied out of her own jacket. While she tossed it out of the way, she didn't miss the way Ran's legs tightened around her waist, pressing their hips together. The motion sent waves of heat rippling down Tomoe's spine, pooling insistently beneath the pit of her stomach. A moan fell past her parted lips, the heavy breath a puff of warm air against Ran's skin. At the sound, Ran slid her hands forward to cup Tomoe's jaw, her eyes wide with desire.

"Tomoe," Ran breathed, voice nearing desperate, and she brought their mouths back together in a clumsy kiss. Tomoe quickly responded in kind, returning the kiss with just as much passion. Letting her eyes flutter closed again, Ran leaned into Tomoe until they were pressed flush together, chests heaving against each other in breathless pants. Tomoe's hands skirted around to smooth over her back, fingers lingering against her spine.

The kisses were growing deeper, more drugging, and Ran couldn't get enough. Without hesitation, Tomoe's tongue slid beside her own, making her stomach clench. Fingers sliding back behind Tomoe's neck again, Ran laced them together, pulling Tomoe even closer. In their eagerness, their teeth hit hard and the jolt threw Ran off for a moment, shaking away some of the fuzzy haze in her mind. And when Tomoe moved to pull back a bit, no doubt feeling the same, Ran wasn't prepared for the sudden shift.

Their balance pitched backwards, they fell back to the mattress beneath them. After a stunned second, Ran pushed herself up and off of Tomoe, catching the redhead's gaze. Time seemed to slow when their eyes met and intense blue flooded Ran's sight. She had always thought it was a sappy notion that the rest of the world faded away when someone was in love, but the reality of it hit her hard. In that moment, all she knew were the brilliant eyes gazing back at her, the warm skin beneath her's, and the sensation of her heart beating solely for the girl laying beneath her.

Though, when Tomoe blinked and cleared her throat, a blush dusting across her features, the spell was broken. The world coming back into focus around her, Ran realized just how affected she had been. Untangling herself from Tomoe, Ran moved to lay beside her, trying to settle her racing heart and panting breaths. Beneath the drugging fog in her head, she hadn't even noticed how much her lungs ached or the way her hands trembled slightly with the rush of adrenaline.

For a while, the two of them just laid side by side, a comfortable silence settled over them. Though, it was Tomoe who eventually turned to face Ran, eyes soft and kind. Breaking the relative quiet, she opened her mouth to speak.

"So, how do you feel now?" Tomoe asked, their earlier conversation lingering past the affectionate haze in her mind. She hoped that actually acting on her pent up feelings helped Ran deal with some of them. Or at the very least, helped her blow off a little steam.

For a moment, Ran didn't answer, her cheeks going pink and her hands twisting in the sheets beneath her. Despite the waves of emotions that washed over her, one thing stood out above the rest. "Kind of like I need to throw up," Ran replied after a beat, breathlessness laced into her words. A slight grimaced marred her otherwise contented expression.

"Are you serious?" Tomoe questioned incredulously. That was about as far away from the response she was expecting as it could get. But, then again, this was Ran, and Tomoe never knew quite what to expect from her. For someone who seemingly lived by the phrase 'same as always', Tomoe found Ran caught her off guard more often than she would have guessed. Sitting up, she fixed her gaze on Ran. Surprise mingled with disbelief in Tomoe's expression, tinged with something else entirely, and Ran just let her eyes fall shut so she didn't have to pick it apart.

"It's nerves," Ran offered in explanation, untwisting one of her fists from the sheets to throw and arm over her eyes.

Just thinking back to what they had been doing, clothes falling to the floor, hands roaming over bare skin, made Ran's face flush and her stomach turn with a strange mix of anticipation and anxiety. If she was being completely honest, she wanted to pick back up where they had left off. Though, the rush of intense emotions had left some part of her exhausted, so she figured it was probably for the best that she calmed down some instead of amping her system back up. Her heart had done enough pounding for one day. Despite the emotional fatigue, though, she still felt keyed up, like she needed to burn off the anxious energy. It was probably just the adrenaline, but Ran couldn't seem to shake the restless feeling.

"Well, I'm glad to know it's not disgust," Tomoe replied with a warm laugh. Ran just gave an amused huff and Tomoe could almost see the roll of her eyes, despite the fact that they were covered.

"Seriously, though," Tomoe started, her tone shifting to something more concerned, "are you okay?"

At that, Ran slowly lifted the arm covering her eyes, blinking against the harsh light. When her eyes met Tomoe's, all she found was genuine care glimmering in the cerulean irises. "I wouldn't want to push you into something your stomach can't handle," Tomoe said gently.

One thing she had learned a long time ago was that was that Ran packed a lot of emotion into her small frame. And, since no one could bottle up their feelings forever, hers tended to come spilling out at the most inopportune times. There was the incident where she lashed out at Himari for a teasing comment after she had been frustrated with the lack of progress on the lyrics she was working on. And then there was the time that she had been so nervous about her dad seeing her first failed exams that she threw up in the bathroom at school, Moca holding her, luckily short, hair back with the rest of the band crowding around to offer support. Reflecting back on that, Tomoe really wouldn't have been surprised if something like being a little more intimate with her girlfriend could get Ran nervous enough to make her sick.

"I'll be fine in a minute," Ran replied, reaching out to take Tomoe's hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze, taking comfort in the warm skin beneath her palm. Sitting up so she was at the same level as Tomoe, Ran steadied her gaze in the aqua eyes staring back at her. "Besides, you weren't pushing me, I-" Ran started before abruptly going red. Clearing her throat nervously, she tried again. "I wanted it, too." she said, voice dropping low in a way that made Tomoe shiver. "I wanted you."

Suddenly, the space seemed so much more intimate. Gone was the amiable, affectionate conversation, replaced with a smoldering energy that sparked between them.

Reflexively, Tomoe swallowed and wetted her lips, gaze still locked with Ran's. In an attempt to break the close, heavy atmosphere that settled over them, Tomoe tried to soften the desire in her expression. "If you say things like that, I'm not going to be able to control myself," Tomoe murmured, meaning to play it off as a joke. Though, the truth in the statement resonated in her tone, warm wanting slipping into the words.

"I don't think that'd be so bad," Ran replied hoarsely, her grip tightening around Tomoe's hand. Though, when Tomoe's gaze shifted to something so earnest and wanting, a bubble of nervousness formed in Ran's chest. Worries of moving to fast, or of being a disappointment surfaced in her mind, though she tried to block them out.

Seeing the slight bit of discomfort on Ran's face, Tomoe let go of her more passionate desires. "Maybe one step at a time," Tomoe replied gently, leaning forward to press a soft kiss against Ran's cheek.

Ran let out a relieved sigh, giving a quiet nod. Laying back down on her bed, she let the tension fade away from her muscles. After a moment, Tomoe curled into her side, pleasantly warm. Now, with the adrenaline fading and her anxieties soothed, a yawn bubbled up past her lips. Nestled comfortably beside Tomoe, Ran let her eyes drift shut, either to nap or just rest. It was such a simple thing, but Ran could say she never wanted that moment to end. This was their relationship at its sweetest. Sure, there was plenty of enjoyment to be had in heated kisses or stolen moments, but it was just the genuine everyday that Ran loved the most. When she could be herself and Tomoe was right there with her, content and happy. Ran wouldn't have traded those moments for anything.


End file.
